PARTY PLANNER -- by Meg Cabot

Meg Cabot

Party Planner

To: All Employees of the New York Journal

Fr: Charity Webber <charity.webber@thenyjournal.com>

Re: Company Holiday Party

Just a reminder that all departments will close at 4:30 p.m. today so that employees can get an early start on their holiday merrymaking. We hope to see all of you at Les Hautes Manger (57th and Madison) for cocktails and hors d’oeuvres (not to mention entertainment by the nationally acclaimed Magical Madrigals) from 4:30 to 8:00 p.m. All you need to bring is your holiday cheer! Charity Webber

New York Journal Events Coordinator

To: Charity Webber <charity.webber@thenyjournal.com>

Fr: Natasha Roberts <natasha.roberts@thenyjournal.com>

Re: Holiday Party

Char—

How in the hell did you get old ‘Pinchpenny’ Peter Hargrave to shell out the bucks for a swank shindig at a top restaurant like Les Hautes Manger? Last year’s Christmas party was in the Senior Staff Dining Room, where the refreshments consisted of nonalcoholic eggnog and pigs-in-a-blanket. Now suddenly we’re having Cosmos and salmon tartare someplace where ties and jackets are required? What gives?

Did you talk the guys in tech support into diverting funds from office supplies into the events budget again? Char, don’t you remember what happened last time you did that? You ended up spending five Saturday nights in a row watching Robot Wars with the likes of Danny ‘When’s the last time you updated your software’ Carmichael. Do I need to remind you that Danny volunteered to marry you when you had too many rum and Diet Cokes and were bewailing the fact that there are no good men left out there? I believe he said that the two of you could live in his mother’s basement in Long Island until he’d saved up enough to get his own place...

Didn’t you swear to me then that you would never again exceed your departmental budget? Didn’t you?

Just wondering,

Nat

To: Natasha Roberts <natasha.roberts@thenyjournal.com>

Fr: Charity Webber <charity.webber@thenyjournal.com>

Re: Holiday Party

Shut up! I told you never to mention the Robot Wars incident to me again. That was years ago.

Well, okay, two years ago. Still, don’t you think I’ve learned my lesson?

Besides, sometimes I think I did the wrong thing, turning Danny down. He would have made an excellent husband. I mean, at least if I ever needed my hard drive defragmented, I’d know who to ask. And I hear his mother is a great cook.

In any case, it wasn’t ‘Pinchpenny’ Peter Hargrave’s idea to have the party at Les Hautes Manger. It was his nephew Andrew’s idea. You know Andrew’s taken over day-to-day operations since his uncle’s bypass surgery. Everybody’s saying Mr H is going to announce his retirement after New Year’s, and that Andrew will be taking over as the new chief exec.

I just hope nothing goes wrong tonight. It’d be just my luck to screw up my first party under the new chief exec. I really want to make a good first impression on the new boss...

Although I don’t see what was so bad with last year’s party. I happen to like pigs-in-a-blanket.

Oh my gosh! An e-mail from the soon-to-be new CEO himself! Gotta go—

Char

To: Charity Webber <charity.webber@thenyjournal.com>

Fr: Andrew Hargrave <andrew.hargrave@thenyjournal.com>

Re: Tonight

Just a quick note to let you know how much I appreciate the great job you’ve done planning this year’s holiday party. I know it must have been a lot more difficult for you to set up than in previous years when the event was held in the Senior Staff Dining Room.

But I think having the party off-site will be a real morale booster for the staff, who certainly deserve it after all the hard work they’ve put in this year, outselling the Chronicle for the first time in the Journal ’s history. Les Hautes Manger is one of the best restaurants in New York and I’m hoping the staff will appreciate it, as well.

I look forward to meeting you tonight. I’ve heard nothing but great things about you from my uncle, and am glad I can count on you to provide a memorable and smooth-running event for our hardworking staff.

Andrew Hargrave

To: Natasha Roberts <natasha.roberts@thenyjournal.com>

Fr: Charity Webber <charity.webber@thenyjournal.com>

Re: Holiday Party

AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH! He’s counting on me to provide a memorable and smooth-running event for our hardworking staff! He’s looking forward to meeting me! What if I screw up??? What if I make a bad first impression?

Oh, God, why me????

C

To: Charity Webber <charity.webber@thenyjournal.com>

Fr: Natasha Roberts <natasha.roberts@thenyjournal.com>

Re: Holiday Party

What could go wrong, you schmo? You’ve only done a million of these things since you started working in this godforsaken hellhole. So what’s the problem? And how could you make a bad first impression? You know perfectly well everybody loves you. They can’t help it, you’re one of those types. You know, all bubbly. What are you worried about?

Oh, wait a minute... This doesn’t have anything to do with the fact that you and Andrew Hargrave have already MET, does it? Didn’t you run into him once last month, down at the newsstand? Oh my God, I remember now: You were buying Skittles, and so was he, and the two of you laughed about it, but you were too nervous to introduce yourself because he was so tall and cute and single and had a really nice butt, or something, so you ran away?

Is THAT where all this worry about making a good impression is coming from? Because you’re warm for his form?

Nat

To: Charity Webber <charity.webber@thenyjournal.com>

Fr: Natasha Roberts <natasha.roberts@thenyjournal.com>

Re: No, YOU shut up

Hee hee.

Nat

To: Andrew Hargrave <andrew.hargrave@thenyjournal.com>

Fr: Charity Webber <charity.webber@thenyjournal.com>

Re: Tonight

Dear Mr Hargrave, Thank you so much for your note. Please don’t worry at all about the party tonight. I’m sure it’s going to go well. The

To: Andrew Hargrave <andrew.hargrave@thenyjournal.com>

Fr: Charity Webber <charity.webber@thenyjournal.com>

Re: Tonight

Dear Mr Hargrave,

Thank you so much for your note. Please don’t worry at all about the party tonight. I’m sure it’s going to go well. The staff at Les Hautes Manger seem eminently professional, and almost everyone here at the paper is delighted that we won’t be having pigs-in-a-blanket again this year.

Looking forward to meeting you as well,

Charity Webber

Events Coordinator

To: Charity Webber <charity.webber@thenyjournal.com>

Fr: Andrew Hargrave <andrew.hargrave@thenyjournal.com>

Re: Tonight

Glad to hear it! And please, call me Andrew. See you tonight!

A

To: Natasha Roberts <natasha.roberts@thenyjournal.com>

Fr: Charity Webber <charity.webber@thenyjournal.com>

Re: No, YOU shut up

ANDREW!!!! HE SAID FOR ME TO CALL HIM ANDREW!!!!!!! Oh my God, maybe this evening is going to turn out fine after all . . . Maybe Andrew and I will meet at the party and our hands will touch as we both reach for the same Cosmo, and he’ll gaze into my eyes and realise I’m the Skittles girl from the newsstand downstairs, and it will be like we can see into each other’s souls!!! And he’ll ask me to go on a carriage ride with him in Central Park and afterward we’ll go back to his penthouse and make sweet tender love and then he’ll ask me to marry him and we’ll move to Westchester and have three kids and have big bowls of Skittles in EVERY ROOM...

To: Charity Webber <charity.webber@thenyjournal.com>

Fr: Natasha Roberts <natasha.roberts@thenyjournal.com>

Re: No, YOU shut up

You do realise that the scenario you just described is this bizarre mixture of Maid in Manhattan and Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, don’t you? But far be it from me to rain on your parade.

Nat

To: Natasha Roberts <natasha.roberts@thenyjournal.com>

Fr: Charity Webber <charity.webber@thenyjournal.com>

Re: No, YOU shut up

A girl can dream, can’t she??? Oh, God, things just HAVE to go well tonight!!!!!!!

To: Charity Webber <charity.webber@thenyjournal.com>

Fr: Frank Leonard <frank.leonard@thenyjournal.com>

Re: Holiday Party

Ms Webber,

The guys down here in Shipping and Receiving want to know if they have to dress up for this thing tonight or not. Are they gonna get thrown out of this place if they don’t have ties on? ’Cause I looked it up in Zagat and it’s one of those capital-letter places. And I know they usually like you to wear ties at those capital-letter places. So maybe I should run out and buy a bunch of ties? Can I expense that, do you think? Let me know.

Frank Leonard

Scheduling Manager

To: Frank Leonard <frank.leonard@thenyjournal.com>

Fr: Charity Webber <charity.webber@thenyjournal.com>

Re: Holiday Party

Don’t worry about buying ties for your guys, Frank. We are renting the entire restaurant for the evening, so there shouldn’t be any complaints about the dress code. Tell your guys to come as they are. All they need to bring is their jingle balls!

Charity Webber

Events Coordinator

To: Frank Leonard <frank.leonard@thenyjournal.com>

Fr: Charity Webber <charity.webber@thenyjournal.com>

Re: Holiday Party

Obviously, I meant jingle bells, not balls. Please ask your staff to stop faxing me their interpretations of what jingle balls might look like. Although they are amusing, they have offended some members of my staff. Charity

To: Charity Webber <charity.webber@thenyjournal.com>

Fr: Antoine Dessange <adessange@leshautes.com>

Re: Event Tonight

Cher Mademoiselle,

I don’t know what you may have been told by our events hostess Chantelle, but there is no possible way I can provide salmon tartare for three hundred. There is a nationwide salmon shortage due to a recent act of sabotage by the People for the Ethical Treatment of Aquatic Life. They broke into the salmon farm from which our restaurant receives its supply, and released all of the fish there back into the wild! Attempts to recapture the escaped salmon have been in vain, and it will be weeks before the farm can hope to replenish its stock. In the meantime, there will be no salmon on our menu. We could, if you wish, substitute crab-stuffed mushroom caps for the tartare. However, this will significantly increase the cost of tonight’s event.

Please let me know as soon as possible what you would like us to do.

I remain, as always, yours faithfully,

Antoine Dessange

Manager, Les Hautes Manger

To: Charity Webber <charity.webber@thenyjournal.com>

Fr: Cara Powalski <cara.powalski@thenyjournal.com>

Re: Party Tonight

Dear Ms Webber,

Hello, it’s Cara from the lobby reception desk. I know you are probably busy planning the big party and all, but I was wondering if you could tell me whether or not Bobby Hancock down in Shipping and Receiving had RSVP’d. Because if he RSVP’d yes, I just want you to know that I have a restraining order against him and he’s not allowed to come within five hundred feet of me. So unless this restaurant is big enough that he can stay five hundred feet from me I want you to know that I will be obliged to call the police if he shows up. Please call me if this is a problem.

Sincerely,

Cara

To: Charity Webber <charity.webber@thenyjournal.com>

Fr: Bobby Hancock <robert.hancock@thenyjournal.com>

Re: Cara Powalski

Dear Ms Webber,

Cara told me she e-mailed you about us and I just want to make sure you know that whatever she told you is lies. She doesn’t have a restraining order against me – her ex-husband does. I’m not allowed to go within five hundred feet of the guy because of an unfortunate incident involving his eye, which got in the way of my fist last month.

But the judge didn’t say anything about me hanging around Cara.

So I’ll be at the party tonight, wearing my jingle balls, just like you said to.

Bobby

To: Natasha Roberts <natasha.roberts@thenyjournal.com>

Fr: Charity Webber <charity.webber@thenyjournal.com>

Re: Where ARE you????

I hate everyone. Why aren’t you picking up?

To: Charity Webber <charity.webber@thenyjournal.com>

Fr: Bernice Walters <bernice.walters@thenyjournal.com>

Re: Tonight’s Party

Dear Ms Webber,

Hello, I don’t think we’ve actually met, but my name is Bernice and I work in ad circulation. I just wanted to let you know that I have a severe shellfish allergy. If I so much as smell crab, lobster or shrimp meat, I go into anaphylactic shock. I do hope you aren’t planning on serving anything at tonight’s event that contains shellfish. I’ve noticed that it tends to spoil the holiday mood when I go into convulsions.

Although I do carry an epi stick with me just in case. If you should happen to see me grab my throat and collapse, would you kindly remove it from my purse and stab me in the thigh with it?

Many thanks,

Bernice Walters

Ad Circ

To: Charity Webber <charity.webber@thenyjournal.com>

Fr: Sol Harper <s.harper@madrigalmagic.com>

Re: Tonight

Just a quick note to let you know that the singers you requested for this evening’s event are running a little late due to the traffic in and around the Holland Tunnel. Apparently everybody and his brother decided to drive into the city today to see the tree at Rockefeller Centre.

But never fear, they’ll be there on time, gridlock alert or not. Nothing can keep OUR knights and fair ladies from ‘wassail’ing the house!

Sol

Manager, Madrigal Magic

****Don’t hire a DJ for your next party. Let our medieval madrigals ‘wassail’ you with traditional song in traditional medieval costume! ‘Simply the best madrigals this side of the Rocky Mountains!’ – New York Chronicle****

To: Natasha Roberts <natasha.roberts@thenyjournal.com>

Fr: Charity Webber <charity.webber@thenyjournal.com>

Re: Killing self now

Not that you care, obviously, or you’d have e’d me back by now.

To: Charity Webber <charity.webber@thenyjournal.com>

Fr: Daniel Carmichael <daniel.carmichael@thenyjournal.com>

Re: Party Tonight

Hey, Char! Just wanted to let you know me and the guys up here in tech support are really excited about the party tonight. We hear it’s at a real happening place. I think it’s a real good choice for a company holiday party. According to Zagat, it’s the kind of place where a lot of marriage proposals take place because it’s so romantic. I just hope I propose to anyone! Especially since my grandma left me her two-carat diamond cocktail ring and I just happen to have it in my pocket right now.

See you at the party.

Danny

To: Charity Webber <charity.webber@thenyjournal.com>

Fr: Antoine Dessange <adessange@leshautes.com>

Re: Event Tonight

Cher Mademoiselle,

It pains me to have to inform you that despite the unusually warm weather, the back garden will not be open for use by your guests, due to the fact that at lunch today the fountain there was vandalised by members of the Yardley Middle School French Club, who poured a box of Mr Bubble into it when their teacher wasn’t looking.

As the garden area is the only place in the restaurant where diners may legally smoke under New York City law, any members of your party who wish to indulge will now have to do so in front of the restaurant. I hope this will not be an inconvenience.

I remain, as always, yours faithfully,

Antoine Dessange

Manager, Les Hautes Manger

To: Natasha Roberts <natasha.roberts@thenyjournal.com>

Fr: Charity Webber <charity.webber@thenyjournal.com>

Re: Still killing self

I don’t know where you are, but I just thought I’d let you know that I’m leaving for the restaurant now. If you want to hook up later – you know, like after the party – you’ll be able to find me floating in the Hudson... if the concrete block I plan on tying to my ankle fails to do its job, I mean. This party is going to be a complete disaster. Andrew Hargrave’s first official act as CEO is undoubtedly going to be to fire me for organising such a completely screwed-up event. There’s zero chance now that we’ll ever get married and move to Westchester to raise little bitty Skittles-lovers. I should have known it was all just a pipe dream.

Goodbye, cruel world.

Char

To: Charity Webber <charity.webber@thenyjournal.com>

Fr: Natasha Roberts <natasha.roberts@thenyjournal.com>

Re: I’m so sorry!!!!!

I was in an art meeting. They just let me out. Have you left yet? I tried to call and just got your voice mail. I hope you check your Blackberry. I’ll be there in ten minutes. Don’t start drinking! Remember how you nearly became Mrs Danny Carmichael after all those rum and Diet Cokes? We don’t want a repeat performance of that, now, do we? Especially if you’re saving yourself for Andrew Hargrave, aka Mr Skittles.

See you soon.

Nat

To: Andrew Hargrave <andrew.hargrave@thenyjournal.com>

Fr: Peter Hargrave <peter.hargrave@thenyjournal.com>

Re: Holiday Party

What’s this I hear about your having the annual holiday party at some restaurant? What’s wrong with the Senior Staff Dining Room? We always had a good time there. The staff really seemed to like the pigs-in-a-blanket. I hope you know what you’re doing. Those boys down in Shipping and Receiving have a tendency to go a little nuts when there’s an open bar.

Peter

To: Peter Hargrave <peter.hargrave@thenyjournal.com>

Fr: Andrew Hargrave <andrew.hargrave@thenyjournal.com>

Re: Holiday Party

Don’t worry, Uncle Pete. Charity Webber has it all under control. That girl’s a real firecracker, just like you said. Well, not that I’ve gotten a chance to meet her, yet. But I’m leaving for the party now. And don’t worry about the boys in Shipping and Receiving. With Charity in charge, I can’t imagine anything could possibly go wrong.

Andrew

New York Journal Employee Incident Report

Name/Title of Reporter: Carl Hopkins, Security Officer

Date/Time of Incident: Thursday, 5:30 p.m.

Place of Incident: Company Holiday Party         

Les Hautes Manger Restaurant         

57th and Madison Persons

Involved in Incident: Robert Hancock, Shipping and Receiving, aged 29

Cara Powalski, Reception, aged 26

Fred Powalski, Security Officer, aged 29

Nature of Incident: Security Officer F. Powalski, on door duty at company holiday party per the request of C. Webber, Event Organiser, asked R. Hancock what he was doing at company holiday party.

R. Hancock said he was enjoying the company holiday party, as was his right as an employee.

S.O. Powalski stated that R. Hancock had no right to be at company holiday party, as S.O. Powalski has restraining order against him.

R. Hancock said if S.O. Powalski doesn’t like it, why doesn’t he leave?

S.O. Powalski replied because he was on duty and could not leave, but R. Hancock was under no such obligation.

R. Hancock refused to leave.

S.O. Powalski attempted to physically remove R. Hancock from the party.

R. Hancock punched S.O. Powalski in the face.

C. Powalski begged them to stop fighting and not to embarrass her in front of her co-workers.

S.O. Powalski threw R. Hancock through plate-glass window.

Follow-up: New York Police Department alerted, arrived, arrested R. Hancock, S.O. Powalski.

To: Charity Webber <charity.webber@thenyjournal.com>

Fr: Sol Harper <s.harper@madrigalmagic.com>

Re: Last Night

Dear Ms Webber,

The Magical Madrigals are a group of musical professionals who are not in the habit of being groped, but that’s what they tell me happened at your party last evening. Suggestive comments were made to both the flautist and harpist, and one of my singers says she was frequently implored to ‘take it all off’, apparently in reference to her kirtle, which some guests appeared to mistake for a chastity belt.

I’m afraid I will be unable to offer the services of the Magical Madrigals at any future events at your company. You should be aware that my lute player is considering filing a sexual harassment suit against your firm.

Sol

Manager, Madrigal Magic

****Don’t hire a DJ for your next party. Let our medieval madrigals ‘wassail’ you with traditional song in traditional medieval costume! ‘Simply the best madrigals this side of the Rocky Mountains!’ – New York Chronicle ****

To: Charity Webber <charity.webber@thenyjournal.com>

Fr: Antoine Dessange <adessange@leshautes.com>

Re: Event Last Night

Cher Mademoiselle,

Please note that, in addition to the cost of food and beverage, I must add a damage fee of $1,560.47 for repair and replacement of the plate-glass window, $532.67 for replacement of one of our art deco wall sconces and $267.53 for re-grouting the tiles in the back-garden fountain, which were loosened when a number of your guests felt compelled to leap into the water. Additionally, I would like to mention that Les Hautes Manger will no longer be available for private parties of any size. Please remove our card from your Rolodex.

I remain, as always, faithfully yours,

Antoine Dessange Manager,

Les Hautes Manger

To: Charity Webber <charity.webber@thenyjournal.com>

Fr: Bernice Walters <bernice.walters@thenyjournal.com>

Re: Many Thanks

I just wanted to say thanks one last time for giving me that shot last night. I had no idea that was crab meat inside those mushroom caps! They were delicious. It was almost worth going into shock for. That is one good restaurant.

Thanks again,

Much love,

Bernice

To: Charity Webber <charity.webber@thenyjournal.com>

Fr: Daniel Carmichael <daniel.carmichael@thenyjournal.com>

Re: Last Night

Listen, I know after the fight and the arrest and that fat lady going into shock and all, you had a few drinks, and maybe weren’t quite feeling like your normal self last night. So I just thought I’d ask one more time: Are you SURE you don’t want to marry me? Because the offer still stands. My mom even promised to move her circular-saw collection out of the basement if we do decide to tie the old knot. What was that you kept saying about Skittles, anyway?

Danny

To: Charity Webber <charity.webber@thenyjournal.com>

Fr: Frank Leonard <frank.leonard@thenyjournal.com>

Re: Holiday Party

Just wanted to say thanks from me and all the boys for inviting us to such a swell soiree last night. We took a vote, and we all agree – it was the best office holiday party any of us has ever been to! And I’m sure you’ll be interested to know – in the drinking contest between us and Budget, well, we won! Bet they can’t wait for a rematch next year!

By the way, we all think you look real good wet.

Well, thanks again!

Frank and all the guys in Shipping and Receiving

Ringing their Jingle Balls

To: Charity Webber <charity.webber@thenyjournal.com>

Fr: Cara Powalski <cara.powalski@thenyjournal.com>

Re: Last Night

Dear Ms Webber,

I hope you know that you’ve ruined my life. My Bobby’s in jail, and it’s all YOUR fault! Why didn’t you look at the last names of the officers Security sent down to guard the doors at the party? Couldn’t you have guessed that Fred Powalski is my ex?

Thanks for nothing,

Cara

To: Andrew Hargrave <andrew.hargrave@thenyjournal.com>

Fr: Peter Hargrave <peter.hargrave@thenyjournal.com>

Re: Holiday Party

What’s this I hear about a brawl at the party last night? And an arrest? And people making lewd suggestions to Christmas carollers? And someone stripping naked and jumping into a fountain? Is this really the kind of behaviour we want to encourage at our company holiday parties?

I sincerely hope you plan on doing something about all of this, Andrew.

Peter

To: Peter Hargrave <peter.hargrave@thenyjournal.com>

Fr: Andrew Hargrave <andrew.hargrave@thenyjournal.com>

Re: Holiday Party

Don’t worry, Uncle Pete. I’m on it.

Andrew

To: Charity Webber <charity.webber@thenyjournal.com>

Fr: Natasha Roberts <natasha.roberts@thenyjournal.com>

Re: Last Night

Oh my God, are you all right? You look TERRIBLE. How many drinks did you have, anyway? I TOLD you to stay away from that bar.

Although I can’t really say I blame you. If that had been MY party, I’d have had a few, too. Could you BELIEVE all that?

Though the topper, if you ask me, was you hitting the road and jumping into that fountain.

Nat.

To: Natasha Roberts <natasha.roberts@thenyjournal.com>

Fr: Charity Webber <charity.webber@thenyjournal.com>

Re: Last Night

WHY ARE YOU TRYING TO TORTURE ME????

My head is POUNDING. I could hardly WALK this morning.

And you’re teasing me about jumping into some fountain?

Nat, my CAREER is probably over. I’m probably going to be FIRED today. Someone at my party got THROWN THROUGH A PLATE-GLASS WINDOW, and then arrested. Somebody else went into anaphylactic shock. One of the Magical Madrigals smacked a wall sconce with her pointy cone hat trying to get away from some pervert in Accounting, and now the company has to pay to replace it – not to mention the sexual harassment suit, if she sues us.

And who knew so many of our fellow employees were alcoholics! The Budget department alone drank, if my estimates are correct, a thousand dollars’ worth of call liquor.

And to top it all off, apparently I only just avoided becoming Mrs Danny Carmichael again.

PLEASE, do not torture me about some nonexistent dip in Les Hautes Manger’s back-garden fountain. You don’t have to. My reality is quite bad enough.

Char

To: Charity Webber <charity.webber@thenyjournal.com>

Fr: Natasha Roberts <natasha.roberts@thenyjournal.com>

Re: Last Night

Char,

I’m not trying to torture you, I swear. Last night, you DID jump into the fountain. And a number of our colleagues immediately followed suit, particularly the guys from Shipping and Receiving. I can’t believe you don’t remember. I TRIED to get you out, I swear.

But Char, that’s not even the worst part: When I tried to reason with you, telling you it was too cold to go swimming, and that you were getting your clothes all wet, you said, ‘Well, I’ll just take them off, then,’ and started unbuttoning your blouse...

…right as Andrew Hargrave came outside to introduce himself. Please, please don’t shoot the messenger.

Nat

To: Natasha Roberts <natasha.roberts@thenyjournal.com>

Fr: Charity Webber <charity.webber@thenyjournal.com>

Re: Last Night

I DID NOT!!!! YOU ARE LYING!!!! I DID NOT DO ANY OF THOSE THINGS!!! I DID NOT JUMP INTO THE FOUNTAIN! I DID NOT TAKE OFF MY TOP!!!

AND ANDREW HARGRAVE DID NOT WALK OUT JUST AS I WAS DOING SO!!!!!

Please tell me you’re making this up. Please. I’m begging you.

To: Charity Webber <charity.webber@thenyjournal.com>

Fr: Natasha Roberts <natasha.roberts@thenyjournal.com>

Re: Last Night

Sorry, Char. But it’s the truth. Thank God you were wearing a bra.

If it’s any comfort to you, it looks as if those spin classes you’ve been taking at the Y have really been paying off.

Nat

To: Natasha Roberts <natasha.roberts@thenyjournal.com>

Fr: Charity Webber <charity.webber@thenyjournal.com>

Re: Last Night

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh my God. It’s all coming back to me now. After Bobby Hancock went through that window, I grabbed a drink off the first tray that passed by me – a Cosmo, I think. I must have had six or seven more as the evening went on... Those bubbles. They just looked so inviting...

WHAT DO I DO NOW???? He’s going to fire me!!! What choice does he have? Oh God, Nat!!! WHAT SHOULD I DO????

To: Charity Webber <charity.webber@thenyjournal.com>

Fr: Natasha Roberts <natasha.roberts@thenyjournal.com>

Re: Last Night

Might I suggest grovelling?

To: Andrew Hargrave <andrew.hargrave@thenyjournal.com>

Fr: Charity Webber <charity.webber@thenyjournal.com>

Re: Last Night

Dear Mr Hargrave,

I just want to apologise for the appalling way that I behaved last night. I want to assure you that I am normally much more levelheaded than my actions last night might have had led you to believe. I will admit to having been slightly unnerved by a few things that occurred during the course of the party last evening, and for that reason may have imbibed more than I’m used to. I just want to make it clear that what happened last night in the fountain behind the restaurant was a complete anomaly, and will never happen again. And I would also like to say, on behalf of my fellow staff members, whose behaviour last night you might also have found somewhat uncircumspect, that we’ve all been under a lot of stress this year, and I think they really, really appreciated the effort and expense you exerted on their behalf, and were only letting off a little steam.

I will perfectly understand, however, if under the circumstances, you feel you cannot keep me in your employ, and will tender my resignation at once.

Very sincerely yours,

Charity Webber

Events Organiser.

To: Charity Webber <charity.webber@thenyjournal.com>

Fr: Andrew Hargrave <andrew.hargrave@thenyjournal.com>

Re: Last Night

Dear Charity,

You’re kidding me, right? That was one of the best parties I’ve ever been to! And exactly the kind of shot in the arm this company needed. And I’m not the only one who thinks so. People around here can’t seem to stop talking about what a great time they had. That fight breaking out – not to mention you saving that lady, the one who went into convulsions – were definite highlights.

But your jumping into that fountain was a stroke of genius. Who knew cavorting in foam could be such a bonding experience? Departments that were barely civil to each other all year were actually having fun together – exactly what I’ve been trying to achieve since I started working here! After all the money my uncle spent on expensive corporate retreats and management seminars, you proved that all we needed to come together as a company was a fountain and a box of Mr Bubble.

By the way, I realised last night that – though you probably don’t remember it – we’ve actually met once before. I ran into you some time ago down at the newsstand. We were both buying, of all things, bags of Skittles. I tried to get your name then, but you disappeared, and I thought I’d never see you again. Although admittedly you were wearing considerably more clothing then than you were last night, I recognised you right away: I never forget the face of a fellow Skittles fan. We’re a dying breed.

If you have time next week, maybe we could have lunch? I believe there’s a party or two in my future that I’m going to need your help planning.

Andrew